Battleship Reason

So, as you can surmise, I have not been posting much in the last few… uh… months. The reason for that? Well, it’s a bit complicated, but the best way in which I can describe it is that I’ve just been figuring out a bit who I am.

You see, this isn’t one of those soul-searching journeys that well-to-do young people go on – traipsing around the globe and generally having a blast. This is neither some hard fought journey through the mountains of Tibet in order to discover some deeper meaning of life. What this IS however is a simple stop in my life where I took a deep breath and took a good look around myself.

For the vast majority of university graduates in the world today, the prospect of graduating is both terrifying and exhillirating. You are finally done with years and years of education, chugging your way through it all slowly – and you are finally ready to begin the life proper. The problem is – education is fairly simple – all the steps that you need to take in order to advance are pretty well covered, and you always know what to expect. Real life, of course, is nothing like that. There are no simple ways to define what success is, nor is there a clear path for you to take. In fact, you are the one who identifies these things. What makes it even more confusing is that there is no ‘right’ answer to it. Some people might prioritise their families above their work, while others might do the reverse. Even within a similar field of priorities, the approaches are tackled differently. Some people consider the well being of the family to be of utmost priority, whereas others consider just the well being of the children to be the most important thing. Choices, choices, yet very few points of guidance, when all is said and done.

Certainly, your family and friends will attempt to influence you in one way or another – pass on their own teachings and hope that you make the best of them. Of course, that doesn’t mean that their paths are your paths, or indeed that you agree with their definitions of basic concepts in this world such as happiness, love, dedication, worth, etc.

So, I thought to myself that it might be a good idea to actually sit down and think about what I was doing. I’ve spent about a year after finishing my MSc just working in small, part-time positions, sorting out my visa, as well as generally trudging along and thinking about what I wanted to do. I will be the FIRST to admit that perhaps I could have arrived at a solution much sooner, had I really thought about it hard. As it was, it was easy to sort of get lost in the choices and not really dedicate myself to one of them. The strangest thing of course is that it didn’t take hard thinking in the end, just a particular (fairly short) trip.

The Croatian coastline has for me always been a special place – lots of rustic charms, good food, even better wine, and infinitely pleasant company. I spent about six days at the seaside with two of my friends, and if I were to tell you that my eyes were opened, I would not be lying. This wasn’t an eye-opening experience preceded by thunder and dramatic drums, just a sudden clarification. I’d like you to imagine a painting on the wall, in front of which is a rope barrier that you cannot cross. The painting is too far away for you to see the details, and you keep going round and round the barrier hoping to get closer. Naturally, the barrier is equidistant to the painting from all its parts. You keep getting more and more frustrated until you figure out one day that all it takes, really, is just to remove the barrier and approach the painting closer. So you do so – and the painting you see is quite interesting. It’s full of colour, full of shape, but very indistinct. That doesn’t matter though – the paints and brushes are right in front of it, and with a sweet grin on your face, you set to work.

Poetic? No, I don’t think so. Perhaps pompous – but there you have it!